--Dec 31, 2013 My favorite Ninja Turtle was the British Fox, "Quiz Master PubFace" --Dec 30, 2013 nostalgia. nosferatu. nostalgferatu. --Dec 30, 2013 Just say "fuck all ya'll" and pretend to throw a gauntlet down. In silence. Inside your head. Where no one can see you grow. #writing --Dec 29, 2013 Why won't you let me do a British accent at this party? I'm great at it. Cut to: "oh, Sir Murphy, that old gag in the throat..." --Dec 27, 2013 pic of punk rock toucan sam screaming JUST FOLLOW YOUR NOISE. tattoo removal doctor: "it's breaking the laser. i can't do anything about it" --Dec 27, 2013
sa-do-mas-o-chasm
--Dec 27, 2013
I opened my coffee wrong, somehow, and shot hot liquid down my sleeve. Like a reverse magician.
--Dec 27, 2013
pull up your glamstrings
--Dec 26, 2013
"Aye Garumba!" --huge fan of Simpsons knock off merchandise
--Dec 23, 2013
Me, out if breath, and crawling into the window of a youth group "YOU CAN MAKE UP SINS THAT AREN'T IN THE BIBLE!"
--Dec 23, 2013
Yes I write R & B
songs. Yes I wrote "he shoved it all the way up"
--Dec 23, 2013
Purposely say Chet's
Mix.
--Dec 23, 2013
my shape-ups still
aren't working
--Dec 17, 2013
My screenplay is
about guys who turn into crazy sexwolves during the full moon and it's called
LunaDicks --let me finish—
--Dec 16, 2013
Oh god no. Not
another idea. For another game. Jesus help us all.
--Dec 16, 2013
I was once held
hostage backstage at a Len concert.
--Dec 16, 2013
There is a game being made in this box
pic.twitter.com/TLe2ZmOAIB
--Dec 13, 2013
manic repression
--Dec 12, 2013
These Higgletog's
could really fuck a wandering hero up. But the Puff's do seem to be helpful
#/sōl/walker
--Dec 8, 2013
How. lee. shiyat.
this game is fun.
--Dec 7, 2013
Unexpectedly at the
library. Unexpectedly playing a new game.
that unexpectedly works?! pic.twitter.com/mERfLWtbdp
--Dec 7, 2013
@rkalajian I feel
like Jonny Rzeznick cause I'm Still Here
--Dec 6, 2013
Stuck on new game
design for a week. Half a nights sleep. Half drunk. Cracked it.
--Dec 5, 2013
The Kraft is that
movie starting Neve Campbell & a bowl of Mac & cheese. --Matt Johnstone
& me dual joke writing
--Dec 5, 2013
I feel sideways
--Dec 4, 2013
DECEMBER
Black (magic) Friday
pic.twitter.com/611tQzpsNS
--Nov 29, 2013
My MTV show STEAMPUNK'D
is being called "cruel" & "vicious" by certain gamer
& anime communities.
--Nov 26, 2013
/sōl/ walker
--Nov 26, 2013
Twitter is billions
of people talking to themselves and hoping someone is listening to the echoes.
We are still living in caves.
--Nov 25, 2013
Well, shit. What the
hell is this? #caravanHSG pic.twitter.com/IgvLqy4q0p
--Nov 25, 2013
I feel like
god-damned addict. pic.twitter.com/o8aw92v9hs
--Nov 24, 2013
Baby when we're
grinding
I get so excited
Ooh, how I like it
I try but I can't
fight it
--coffee
--Nov 24, 2013
Dr Who 50th bravo!
--Nov 23, 2013
cigarettes were for
scale, & because I chose to quit smoking when Spell Saga ended. One last
night between my lips you 20 fingered prince.
--Nov 21, 2013
Spell Saga on holiday
break. Free time for first time in a year. Sitting down to read the novel I
abandoned for it. pic.twitter.com/jEfrHYpzF3
--Nov 21, 2013
Are we having pun
yet?
--Nov 16, 2013
According to the
bulldog logo on this guy's hoodie it was Brazilian Jiu Jitsu taught him how to
cut the line in front of me.
--Nov 15, 2013
Uh hell yea I want 2
cyber let me just change screen names *you have left the chat* ...
*weird_al_yank_ya_dick has entered the chat*
--Nov 15, 2013
Still waiting for the
day I find a friend's "sex mix" playlist on their iTunes so I can
slip this one in: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CbqFGapihP0 …
--Nov 14, 2013
I wish I was so good
at making paper airplanes they called me paper airplane Jesus and I would have
a bad infomercial "welcome to the fold"
--Nov 13, 2013
Spell Saga Deck 2
graphic design begins tonight! Kickstarter Update on Monday.
--Nov 09, 2013
Google Search:
"What if brah actually IS telling cool story?"
--Nov 8, 2013
In the return to
nights of lost sunsets.
--Nov 5, 2013
The sequel to my
Hide-n-Go Seek porn parody "Hard 2 Find" is being cancelled due to
negligence.
--Nov 5, 2013
November
New hipster activity
alert: "drowning"
--Oct 30, 2013
A childhood spent
reading the plots of movies on the back of trading cards. Last Action Hero, I
only knew you out of order.
--Oct 29, 2013
Etsy shop owner
& visual artist "Prints
Charming" murdered today in what police describe as an Autumnal, and
"pinteresting" murder scene...
--Oct 28, 2013
*we have won nothing.
--Oct 27, 2013
Informal Poll: How
much attention do I need?
--Oct 27, 2013
White people
requesting off work to 'get into the new ArcadeFire' "This won't be
another Suburbs--I won't be blindsided by the Grammies!"
--Oct 27, 2013
You sniffin cups
cause you ain't thirsty enough
--Oct 25, 2013
Show dat girl yer
Lady Edith face
--Oct 25, 2013
Biblically the 1st
story of man & women having sex starts with being alone & having to
name all the animals. Your OCD is a blessing. Use it.
--Oct 24, 2013
The inside of my mind
is me stepping on a spider to the Downton Abbey theme.
--Oct 23, 2013
"Please, Dr.
Spook Fuck was my father, call me..."
--Oct 17, 2013
Nothing holds a charm
/ Like an Irish necklace / Curse all your enemies / You won't regret this
--Oct 16, 2013
I used to think I was
a victim for a really long time. I don't anymore. But people still think I do
because everyone is against me.
--Oct 4, 2013
"Sir, 'Pie in
the Sky' is the Italian Harvard of clown colleges."
--Oct 2, 2013
I was there. I
remember the fear trenches of group acceptable fashion
--Oct 2, 2013
OCTOBER
"Well let me
answer your question with a question: How do these sexy idiots get IN the light
bulb to begin with?"
--Sep 27, 2013
Opinions grow on the
walls we cannot see.
--Sep 25, 2013
Matchsticks are still
matchsticks even after they burn/you can do the robot or even the worm --my
cancelled rap cameo on "I hope you dance"
--Sep 25, 2013
rhombus sundown rhombusrhombus sundown
-Sep 25, 2013
Wear black fading to
white for any s'ombre occasion.
--Sep 21, 2013
Apple Product
Apologist
--Sep 21, 2013
"(skoff) Umm, Do
you know who I am?" -- celebrity with amnesia
--Sep 19, 2013
Can't believe Cars 3
is going to be called Race War
--Sep 18, 2013
Are people filming
themselves pray yet?
--Sep 16, 2013
"Ya gotta toggle
that shit, brah.
--computer brogrammer
--Sep 10, 2013
"Now erry white
body in the club with a Ford Flex"
--Sep 9, 2013
Best of Burden
--Sep 9, 2013
Two years ago today I
fell in love with Meagen Crawford & it's been the best 2 years of my life!
--Sep 9, 2013
UM, IT'S SPANISH FOR
MY "CASTLE IS SUE'S CASTLE"
--Sep 7, 2013
WE DON'T EVEN OWN A
BOOK -- illiterate hipster
--Sep 6, 2013
Worship Leader smirks. "If I Ever Lose My Faith" starts to play. Children erupt in tongues. Jesus whips sash off like a helicopter.
--Sep 5, 2013
My Mall Store for piercings & houseplants is called Nirfauna
--Sep 3, 2013
He settled for a hire calling.
--Sep 2, 2013
"The Stranger 2: Stranger Danger" by Albert Camus (4 & 1/2 stars) In this thrilling sequel, find out what makes The Stranger so Strange when
--Sep 1, 2013
You Are Alive. It is September.
I made so many bad puns at the Cheesecake Factory they brought me a jeezecake
--Aug 27, 2013
The Black Eyed Peas walk up to their song name generator, press "radio" button. The words "saggy bottom boom boom" erupt from the machine.
--Aug 27, 2013
I don't like to get serious on Twitter, but Amy & Rory were the girl & boy who waited. And that is how their story should have ended. #drwho
--Aug 26, 2013
People at the funeral upset that I floated in on my dirge-igible.
--Aug 24, 2013
Me at 'The Society of Weird Laughs: "--I'd like to see how many members the 'society for regular laughs' has!" Audience: jajajala jajajala
--Aug 24, 2013
Elliott Smith/Outkast Needle in the Hey Ya remix
--Aug 24, 2013
Today I wore purple shirt w/ blue pants. *show tune singing Sinatra fan walk by. Rolls eyes, singing "unforgiveablllllle"
--Aug 23, 2013
Curious how Justin Timberlake never mentions how long he perused the magazine "sexy" before returning it for refund...
--Aug 23, 2013
I know why the caged bird blings
--Aug 21, 2013
Can't believe Milton Bradley snuck that "white privilege" card into The Game of Life.
--Aug 21, 2013
The UK pronunciation of Hegemony is hitting my brain like grammatical heroin.
-Aug 19,. 2013
No I can't hang out I'm on the ragweed.
--Aug 17, 2013
In Ali Baba & The Forty Fabulous Thieves, the password is always "mojito"
--Aug 16, 2013
Stop naming your children Jayden.
--Aug 15, 2013
My fan fiction screenplay: "An American Werewolf in Gundam" has been largely ignored by the lycanthrope & anime communities.
--Aug 14, 2013
http://shipwire.com : the most exciting thing I have seen in a long time. And I once saw our lady of sorrows at an our lady peace concert
--Aug 14, 2013
Super villain meeting. Arguing about gay rights. "crime doesn't gay" banner hung in bckgrnd. Dr Bad: "um because it's Biblically evil, Gary"
--Aug 14, 2013
I just awoke after 14 hours of sleep. Now ready for the rest of the year.
--Aug 10, 2013
"I don't want to play devil's advocate, but he is your brother..." --me, talking to Jesus
--Aug 07, 2013
I thought Krav Maga was a corn eating bird
--Aug 07, 2013
A bizarre re telling of "the little matchstick girl" where a young boy watches me from an Applebee's patio.
--Aug 5, 2013
How long can I listen to "voices carry live" on repeat before going crazy? Ask the taco king of lumber yard if this feels like a cat to u --Aug 4, 2013
AAAHHRRGG!!!!!!! UHM NO RACHEL, I DIDN'T INVENT SALSA !!!!!! BUT I'M PRETTY SURE MY GRANDFATHER--HERBERT PICANTE THE FIRST--MIGHT HAVE HAD S
--Aug 4, 2013
Sitting at home with a cold. Missing Meagen and finishing a rulebook on a dying computer. Fuck yes I did.
--Aug 3, 2013
"They're called army fatigues cause that look is tired, brah"
--Aug 2, 2013
OOP RARE Paula Cole where have all the cowboys gone / fuck my face if you smell like old spice B SIde CD MAXISINGLE Paula Cole !NO reserve!
--Aug 2, 2013
Fear the flower crowned wrath of Hip-Star! The most original living star!!!
--Aug 2, 2013
It's a sexy magazine called Hot Dog Leak.
--Aug 2, 2013
Watch me Macklemore over this desk! *does one trick amazingly well, falls behind desk and is forgotten forever.
--Aug 2, 2013
Masks will become a fashion statement
--Aug 1, 2013
"Any history of heart problems?" Asks the doctor. "I had a post-teen goth phase..."
--Aug 1, 2013
That Great Beast, August
ohno I never say things like that! *Toni Braxton blares in background.*Single tear escapes. What is this poisoned warmth. Is my heart peeing
--Jul 26, 2013
We made the best game. I am finishing up these rules. staring at Lauren's art. Thinking about Josh redefining the mechanics. I am so proud.
--Jul 26, 2013
What's the poorest you can be, and still own a panic room, and can it be your living room?
--Jul 25, 2013
HEY @NewLine_Cinema MY MOVIE PITCH IS THIS: WHAT IS JESUS CAME BACK. WHAT IF HE WAS A CAR THIEF. AND WHAT IF IT WAS CALLED JESUS TAKE THE WH
--Jul 25, 2013
Sir, the amount of Old Spice you're wearing could feed 3 starving children in Africa.
--July 22, 2013
I look over my doctor's shoulder, and wonder why he italicized "handsome"...
--July 22, 2013
"Everything the light touches, is ours. Someday, this will all be yours..." --The Buyin' King
--July 20, 2013
It took me years to figure out the men in my family made their voices deeper so as not to sound too earnest. Years I'll never get back.
--July 19, 2013
Trying to get back on the horse is a lot harder when you haven't finished making the horse yet.
--Jul 19, 2013
my tattoo says "UHG LIFE"
--Jul 18, 2013
the closest I have come to kung-fu training is not scratching an itch right away.
--Jul 17, 2013
Listening to all 17 hours of Marvel Comics The Untold Story by Sean Howe. And now that's it's ramping up into the 90's I'm like "oh shit!"
--Jul 17, 2013
For the first time, in a very long time, I have written notes for what appears to be a comic book. A new world. A new story. Underwater...?
--July 17, 2013
Every computer programmer ever asking for the same haircut at the same time in a condescending voice.
--July 15, 2013
Get rich or die crying
--July 13, 2013
You can find me at third world pinterest.com
--Jul 13, 2013
Hey, you with the "Only God Can Judge Me" T-shirt on. I'm judging you right NOW.
--July 12, 2013
Previously on Donut Surgeon...
--Jul 11, 2013
@pagemasterjim I assumed. The devastation of pieces of our lives are certainly the ends of those pieces. But there are others.
--Jul 11, 2013
Most of Tom Petty's choruses sound like he's complaining about sex.
--Jul 11, 2013
Prediction: iPhone auto correct will become slang.
--Jul 10, 2013
I am about to meet Neil Gaiman, & he is the reason I started writing. Thanks to Meagen who bought me a ticket. X0
--Jul 10, 2013
"Well, be prepared. My funeral will be a remake of the POD video for "Alive""
--Jul 09, 2013
Glitchcraft
--Jul 07, 2013
I don't like when people hang their sunglasses off shirts. I keep mine strictly on the table. Also, in 10 years all rhino will be extinct.
--Jul 07, 2013
I remember when tropical was a new flavor.
--Jul 06, 2013
I spent all night thinking Of what vinyl record should play When the robbers Open my grave
--Jul 05, 2013
No DUDe! YOU don't get it! *shoves you into rilo kiley's guitar player
--Jul 05, 2013
How has there never been a rapper named Rhyme Traveller?
--Jul 05, 2013
Uh it's called IndePendence Day, Bitch. Get away from me. --our dog
--Jul 04, 2013
the projected ending for my autobiography is constantly changing based on how much I've eaten today.
--Jul 03, 2013
Worse than when I was kicked out of TLC for not transforming into liquid during the Waterfalls shoot.*my tears *T-Boz laughing: "there u go"
--Jul 03, 2013
James Taylor, mocking the blind with every line of Fire & Rain...
--Jul 03, 2013
There's nothing in the rules that say this basketball can't play a dog -air bud 3: meta-dog
--Jul 02, 2013
"Your honor, our witness is this Nicki Minaj remix"
--Jul 02, 2013
JULY
In this day in history: the worst tragedy on American soil occurred at the table behind us when these people started talking.
--Jun 30, 2013
Did it hurt when you woke up from Geometry Class? Because you look like an angle.
--Jun 29, 2013
Siri, look up ambient albums with the word "afternoon" in their title...
--Jun 28, 2013
Is there a Sarcastic Wonka as Native American meme pic people post when others identify themselves as animals?
--Jun 28, 2013
When people start judging / blow that rate whistle. / When haters in the kitchen / beg for more gristle
--Jun 27, 2013
which moments are worth currency, and how do I convert them
--Jun 27, 2013
"he was as rock-hard as a Chevy Penis Mobile." --the best line of my upcoming novel "Police Squad 1887"
--Jun 27, 2013
You're using the word "amazing" as if you've never seen a burning bush.
--Jun 27, 2013
I was in the mall again last night. I always dream about the 1996 Cool Springs Mall before a big change in my life. I do not know why.
--Jun 27, 2013
"annnnd dramatic purrs for effect..." -- cat director
--Jun 26, 2013
Is there a website that pairs people's nail polish pics with devastating news headlines?
--Jun 26, 2013
I want to make a joke about taking grammarbiotics for an inflection.
--Jun 24, 2013
My novel demands the answer: "what if Moby Dick was a computer virus?" ..."call me <<knif6-shart>>"
--Jun 22, 2013
put down your gun fudge. the stars fall. fast.
--Jun 21, 2013
Ironically, I woke up naked in a high school.
--Jun 18, 2013
I just wrote down an idea. A new idea. Pieces of fiction. That I liked. It's been so long.. #photoshopkilledthegogoledocsstar
--Jun 18, 2013
Imagine me as Gandalf whispering help to moth on tower. But instead of moth, it's my dog & instead of help, I'm asking if I look diabetic.
--Jun 17, 2013
laps & bounds is my screenplay about a blind swimmer.
--Jun 15, 2013
A rough day at US Immigration for local rapper G-Odd
--Jun 14, 2013
"I'll relax in the undertow"
--Jun 2013
It's been a good 2 months since we started working on a final version of Spell Saga. I miss playing it. Just now I realized. I miss it.
--Jun 12, 2013
What is the emoticon for unnecessary Russian half smirk?
--Jun 12, 2013
#bowtothesashofrassilon
--Jun 11, 2013
Sea sick on sex boats? Remember: "lay before me, except after sea"
--Jun 9, 2013
Loved having everyone over!Quick notes:Our dog actually CAN'T digest cantaloupe. And whoever stole the witch rock, the curse is now on you.
--Jun 9, 2013
All my music has memories today. Staring at Meagen in the cold to College. My mother dancing to XTC. My music is trying to kill me.
--Jun 8, 2013
Animorph book cover of a homeschooler changing into a homeschooler.
--Jun 6, 2013
Bon Iver's "skinny love"is fat shaming me every step of this journey
--Jun 3, 2013
I could not even beat Mario Teaches Skyping
--Jun 3, 2013
JUNE
Tsk from a rose
--May 31, 2013
Don't grammar shame me.
--May 31, 2013
I THOUGHT I wanted my nickname to be George Fickle. But ehhhh, I dunno...
--May 31, 2013
The Precious Moments Urban Collection
--May 29, 2013
A bunch of horses wearing masks and it's called SlipTrot.
--May 27, 2013
I could barely skin a myspace page when I started working on the Spell Saga website. Today I made this. From scratch. http://www.main.spellsaga.com/
--May 26, 2013
It's Ya Boy Orson in "Citizen Dang"
--May 26, 2013
Listening to "Teenage Wasteland" while typing out massive detailed instructions to printer for our card game. My childhood crashing together
--May, 24, 2013
I wish I didn't have to wear shorts in Djinn class. *pants appear OH MY GOD IT WORKED. *genie walks in room: WELCOME TO DJINN CLASS KIDS
-May 23, 2013
these tweets brought to you by Shashooshooboo: "Only winners don't choke on Shashooshooboo"
--May 22, 2013
Reporter: "--Thanks, Tim...The most harrowing update about the hurricane, is it's insatiable lust for Bruce Cockburn memorabilia"
--May 22, 2013
Reporter: "perhaps even more tragic, the victim's name was Scoots Dojingo"
--May 22, 2013
"He's so behind on music his shadow still dances when he listens to his iPod..."
--May 22, 2013
Whiskey Midas presents The Theme to This Years Prom is Ice/Robot/Amnesia/Death EP
--May 21, 2013
I stumble out of bathroom eyes wide & alarmed. "You boy, what day is this?!"
--May 20, 2013
I'm the sort of person who looks for a warning on every label.
--May 18, 2013
*Parents making love in bedroom. *door bursts open "NICKELODEON MAGAZINE PLEASE!" *parents screaming *child running away. *tears in his eyes
--May 17, 2013
In the last 48 hours. I had 21 hours of sleep. All the stress is gone. I can do this.
--May 17, 2013
Windshield is an outdated & poorly descriptive word. "Front crash portal" is much better.
--May 15, 2013
I retrieve the last colored diving stick from the pool. Father stands above me wearing confused look & "it's man time" t-shirt.
--May, 14, 2013
"Skipper, watch where you're going..." *I fall down carpeted stairs with a barbie doll in my hand.
--May 14, 2013
Am I mistaken,or was there not a G I Joe named Jazz Poop Cobra Jazz Pooper?
--May 14, 2013
Homeschool yearbook
--May 14, 2013
At the end of the night my Aunt showed me pictures she had found. I looked at how young I was when I left home. I was so young.
--May 13, 2013
Yesterday my Dad said something I made fun of him for, but it meant something to me.
--May 13, 2013
"she parks her car outside of my house
takes her clothes off/
says she just ate half a box of cheez-its"
--May 12, 2013
Mail call for Mr. Chort Povin!
--May 11, 2013
Catering the wedding of Herb Morvin & Magroot Sasta
--May 11, 2013
I just heard Mick Jagger died 6 years ago?
--May 10, 2013
Nike sponsoring me for Hide & seek. "you need the darkest kicks to stay hidden Obsidian Zero by Todd Michael "under the bed" Rogers
--May 10, 2013
king surrounded by swords:"sword king! riders from the East, they say swords are dumb!" close up: king's eyes look to side nervously "oh no"
--May 10, 2013
I bet none of my heroes ever had "pay phone now!!!!" written on their calendars...
--May 09, 2013
Me on phone: "No I can't hang out this Halloween...I'm busy...all five of my dogs are going as Linkin Bark"
--May 08, 2013
"And during our sales event, every truck comes standard with a Kodak picture of an ugly blonde, and an old can of Dr Pepper"
--May 06, 2013
"...this music, invented by Professor Dubious Steppington of Cambridge Mass..."
--May 05, 2013
At local playhouse: Woah, I thought Babes in Toyland was something entirely different *puts away dildo coffin
--May 01, 2013
M a Y
fighting anime where you fill out & fax magical form letters to lease new powers, & during a fight I'm like "this isn't even my final form"
--Apr 30, 2013
If I was a bird I would mimic human speech and find a bird watcher, sneaking behind to whisper in his ear: "Look at that beautiful plumage"
--April 30, 2013
Cinderella but a dude wearing rubber ADIDAS sandals but the ball never ends but I have to watch but this is Hell...
--Apr 30, 2013
good news from my erotic jeweler.
--Apr 29, 2013
That's the best new ENEMY idea I've ever had tonight in the last 5 minutes.
--Apr 24, 2013
Other-Placer eats you, & puts you in alternate dimension of face-down cards chosen at random. you have to escape by fighting another enemy.
--Apr 24, 2013
Holy shit, episode 3 of Sword Art Online is brutal. What an amazing show.
--Apr 22, 2013
(Feliz sería que hora) [x4]
--Apr 18, 2013
Pat, @benatargiraldo please some clarification: is it "hit me with your best shot", or best "chot"? And if "chot" what is "chot"?
--Apr 15, 2013
He was bad at grammar, and had an overachieving awareness of subjectivity. He had a run-on sentience.
--Apr 10, 2013
My Japanese horror movie script is called Konnichi-AAAAHH!
--Apr 06, 2013
my business card just says "imagine me eating an ice cream cone alone in a shed to the song "lightning crashes"
--Apr 05, 2013
Oh, he's one of those "sports hipsters"
--Apr 05,2013
Why is no one talking about Dr Who's 7.2 premiere being the best episode in ages? #drwho #stevenmoffat
--Apr 04, 2013
My 1 man play about Pearl Jam on a rocket will be performed alone, tonight, in my shower. #Don'tCallMeGoddard
--Apr 04, 2013
Ya'll like Chex Mix, brah? --me at the wrong party
--Apr 01, 2013
Yikes pencils, you flew too high.
--Apr 01, 2013
@joeyciccoline "local boy let's himself DROP to the dubstep beat of a business rooftop"
--Apr 01, 2013
APRIYL
Are your ears burning, we're talking about you ...about the time I lit you on fire...
--Mar 31, 2013
It's like Clue but way more Jewish. *lifts hands palm up "who did the thing in the place?!"
--Mar 31, 2013
Is a person who rides a horse alone a sequestrian?
--Mar 31, 2013
Easter morning
--Mar 31, 2013
so we can just wear anything now? *gets naked except totoro backpack* This is my wedding dress. I identify as a ghost jaguar named boo growl
--Mar 29, 2013
Breaking: Girl wearing lipstick while eating at taco shop keeps telling everyone "she's sorry"
--Mar 29, 2013
DISNEY YOU NOT RESPONDING TO MY QUERIES SO I AM USING TWITTER AS A PUBLIC FORUM MY SPEC SCRIPT "KATE OR DIY" IS ABOUT A CRAFTY GIRL SKATEBOA
--Mar 29, 2013
ART FILM: me, jumping rope in slow motion to Flickerstick's "coke", until a man with a "world's greatest dad" shirt holds me.
--Mar 28, 2013
the aliens will laugh/ all our windows are glass
--Mar 28, 2013
Oh my God, I just realized I can set my alarm to play "Destiny's Child" whenever I have to pay my bills.
--Mar 28, 2013
"Somebody please tell ME who the F I is" --Nicki Minaj "Superbass" (amnesia remix)
--Mar 27, 2013
I get all my news from the internet. Did the Chilean minors ever get out of that restaurant?
--Mar 27, 2013
Tried to save money by singing up for Blue Cross Porpoise Insurance. But looking over these pamphlets I'm afraid I might have dolphin cancer
--Mar 27,2013
Lunch with Dad//game design with friends//smooch texts with my girl. Pretty great. *pulls out a dinosaur summoning ring from dirt "oh cool!"
--Mar 26, 2013
"all aboard to Funyun station!" EW, I'M NOT GOING THERE. "you don't have a choice." (train engineer pulls out a Funyun-a-gun)
--Mar 25, 2013
Dancing like the ghost of Tina Turner stuck in a phone booth.
--Mar 24, 2013
The French Pirate sings all your favorite Goo Goo Dolls songs!! "Babiez black ballooyn magz her fly zcha zcha na za gah in your lyfe"
--Mar 24, 2013
The Italian dub of "There Will Be Blood" only makes mention of "olive" oil.
--Mar 24, 2013
XM Radio sound quality is atrocious. The harmonica solo in Alanis Morissette's "head over feet" sounds like a robot being fucked by a saw
--Mar 24, 2013
And if you see my reflection, in the snow covered hills / well maybe (well maybe) / you're going crazy?
--Mar 23, 2013
commerical: Plz Donate to my down syndrome amphibian shelter (slow zoom of cross eyed frog) (cue song: "baby are you down, down down down")
--Mar 22, 2013
As LONG as I GOT my Suit & Cry
--Mar 22, 2013
My Father recently gave me advice that pissed me off but proved invaluable to my creative endeavors "you only see one way out". Thanks Dad
--March 19, 2013
6 PM TONIGHT @ LOCAL BUFFET "COME SEE RON JOHN SURF SHOP'S BIGGEST FAN"
--March 09, 2013
Starting year 30.
--March 15, 2013
...and it's sequel, Slumdog BILLIONAIRE...
--March 14, 2013
David Beckham should have a Learning French cassette series called "Bien Dit Like Beckham"
--March 14, 2013
My timbre/singing lumberjack joke is too "high concept"
--March 13, 2013
I'M SORRY I MEANT AFRICAN-AMERICAN SMITH... --Me, at the Harlem Renaissance Festival
--March 13, 2013
"Hello my name is Taylor &...but it doesn't matter...I guess..." -- Melancholic's Anonymous
--March 13, 2013
"Its the feeling of a hard days work done right, & fresh brewed coffee,or a Wschodzące słońce beneath the chmury ... This is Polish Country"
--March 13, 2013
Embarrassing things happening to you during the song "takin it to the street".
--March 06, 2013
"to eat his own" instead of to "each his own" because he is a cannibal is this thing on?
--March 03, 2013
Sponsored Tweet: The Mazel-Tuff Circumcision Precision line from Black & Decker really helps "tip" the odds in your favor
--March 03, 2013
Kickstarting my Mexican Tea shop "Chai-Carumba!"
--March 02, 2013
Obstacles are wonderful creatures. All you have to do is feed them, and they skitter away, leaving you with a parting gift of a better idea
--March 01, 2013
Siri, type "Jewish Dinosaurs///Jurrahasidic Park" into twitter. make into a joke.
--March 01, 2013
As a child, discovering the dinosaur slide on a 3D View Master was my only understanding of intercourse.
--Feb 27, 2013
I didn't want to be a pacifist, but I couldn't fight it.
--Feb, 27, 2013
--Feb 26, 2013
. @Homedepot Hey I can't remember is it called petrified wood, or terrified wood? Because my erection is really scary...
--Feb 26, 2013
Alma's Funeral Home "don't stop bereaving"
--Feb 26, 2013
My chiropractor Shakira told me my hips don't lie ...straight, and that it's evidence of a more threatening issue.
--Feb 26, 2013
The best movies are the ones where the writer didn't give the characters personalities. Just lines on a page for an actor to make their own.
--Feb 26, 2013
Two first names makes you either a superhero or a redneck.#bruuucewayunnn #clahkKeeeent
--Feb 25, 2013
It was my understanding that dogs revolve around the sun at a faster rate. Was I wrong? And if so, how?...
--Feb 25, 2013
I have moments where I miss my novel deeply.
--Feb 25, 2013
The slogan for my new herbal remedy business is "make your mouth smell like a witch"
--Feb 23, 2013
"I turned the speaker up so he couldn't hear my tears...but the boat only had 2 seats, and my dad was facing me..."
--Feb 23, 2013
I guess only ugly people eat here. Wait, I'M eating here. "...I'll have your saddest salad, and a privacy table facing the wall..."
--Feb 23, 2013
Bridge Over The River Kawaii #copywrite #me #forever
--Feb 18, 2013
girl got a thorax/ hike my pants tax-- "nope." *crosses words out, jumps out window into death river.
--Feb 6, 2013
The typos will have to wait, because I feel harrible (sic).
--Feb 3, 2013
Rosebud? I thought he was saying "Rose blood" this whole time. --Goth movie review.
--Feb 1, 2013
I keep asking this guy if he's deaf, and he still hasn't answered me. Rude
--Feb 1, 2013
February.
"Testicle Dance is a ringtone for the DISCERNING gentleman" he sneered. I left the Motorola store crying.
--Jan 31, 2013
BAYOLO (Buddhists Against YOLO)
--Jan 29, 2013
Can dropping it like it's hot lead to hemorrhoids asking for a friend
--Jan 29, 2013
Hangovers and lack of sleep are great because it forces you to pull threads of story you never would touch with a rational mind.
--Jan, 28
2 people that I like very much started an online magazine. You will like them too. Read it now: http://pidermag.com/
--Jan 28, 2013
"this book is written entirely in gang signs"
--Jan 27, 2013
song plays***woman smiles on phone***Neil young singing***logo appears***"keep on talkin' cause it's free girl"*** --Neil Young for Skype
--Jan 24,2013
Back to the ole grindstone... (grindstone is what I named my sex pillow that's shaped like an iguana)
--Jan 24, 2013
There is nothing better than Meagen.
--Jan 21, 2013
Accidentally attended Cult of Zeus instd of reg church for
the last 17 years. But kind of believe what they're saying? How do I tell my
Dad.
--Jan 20, 2013
The only thing more haunting than David Wise 's score for
this game is the fact he wrote me an email once & my replies never reached
him.
--Jan 20, 2013
Taking down our Christmas tree January 20th while listening
to Donkey Kong Country 2 soundtrack makes my life wonderful.
--Jan 20, 2013
Disappointed the only game at the Hip-Hop County Fair was
"Ballin for Apples"
--Jan 20, 2013
Not just one typo, but an errorist attack all over my keyboard
--Jan 17, 2013
...grey isn't cool.You know what's cool? A Billion Shades
of...
--Jan 17, 2013
Whats' that one Justin Timberlake song where he says like
"Yeshua strike my enemies dead"?
--Jan 15, 2013
Doritos scoring surprisingly high with fat people who
constantly sigh.
--Jan 15, 2013
I can't find the recipe for Soup Du Jour anywhere.
--Jan 14, 2013
Captain Photoshop & The Beat-Shit Destroyers.
-Jan 12, 2013
CAMPAIGN VIDEO: hi i'm todd michael rogers and i'm running
for mayor of strong *hi-fives children *walks past snake and barely cries
--Jan 11, 2013
some people just want to watch the word fern
--Jan 10, 2013
Our hero, stuck in the zen dungeon...
--Jan 10, 2013
meowmeowMEOWmeow cat news breaking news: THIS JUST IN BIRDS ARE DUMB NOW TO SHABBY TABBY WITH THE WEATHER: "i'm inside i want to go outside"
--Jan 10, 2013
yea stories definitely should be dictated by their environment. we're all on a learning curve. Again, my balloon novel killed 1000 birds.
--Jan 10, 2013
@olganunes that's because lots of people forget that even with a liquid structure, the tenants of good story telling are rock solid.
--Jan 10, 2013
Just failed Sting's Tantric Pancake Challenge :(
--Jan 10, 2013
If anyone wants to see what I've been working on for the last 3 years here are some informative pics http://spellsaga.tumblr.com/about
--Jan 10, 2013
special thanks to @joeyciccoline for scanning my game design workbook..and letting me use his power chord..and helping me with Photoshop and
--Jan 9, 2013
Just locked some shit down. Ballin with some highlighters and computer paper. There's nothing more swag than dreams, kids.
--Jan 8, 2013
DJ DUSTIN HOFFMAN TONIGHT AT CLUB SWAG THE DOG (
--Jan 8, 2013
i CAN'T STOP WATCHING
16 BIT GEMS. http://tinyurl.com/axxmspu (@CotGW )
--Jan 8, 2013
--Jan 8, 2013
7 pieces tonight. 6
left for the morrows
--Jan 7, 2013
tumble toward May with
me http://www.spellsaga.com
--Jan 7, 2013
After the world
ended... https://twitter.com/spellsaga
--Jan 7, 2013
First piece done.
--Jan 6, 2013
We here in the South
don't CAre for ya'lls YAnke' CAndle COmpne'
--Jan 5, 2013
Did G Unit stand for
Gluten?...
--Jan 4, 2013
Today I wrote pieces
of things for pieces of other things. The game design goes well.
--Jan 3, 2013
Today I wrote pieces of things for pieces of other things. The game design goes well.
--Jan 3, 2013
Last night I stayed up
with little sleep in a home without central heat. Using a computer in a cold
kitchen with no internet. It was lovely.
--Jan 3, 2013
120
--Jan 1, 2013
